Neutral
by Hardy The Monkey
Summary: How would you explain an insane story like this! T because of language... Might go up. GrimmIchi
1. NeUtRaL1:ANDYOUTHOUGHTYOURFATHERISWEIRD

Name: Neutral

Summary: How would you explain an insane story like this?! But yes, GrimmIchi's there.

Author: - Kanon - Canon - 50 - 50 -

Disclaimer: I only have bleach that rapes noses.

**OhOhOhOh**

SLAP!

Grimmjaw suddenly sat straight, looking at the person who had slapped him. "Who the fuck..."

In front him stand a 5 foot tall girl, white tank top under a black, short-sleeved shirt. Black shorts on her legs and black sandals straps wrapped around her feet. She had a short hair, covered by a black beanie. A black-rimmed glasses adorned her face. "I abhor profanities, thank you." She replied, then squinting at him. "And name's Kanon."

Grimmjaw gritted his teeth, his hands reaching for his zanpakuto when he realized...

It wasn't there.

"Looking for this?"

He turned around to see her holding the zanpakuto. Grimmjaw stood slowly, reaching in to snatch away his weapon, only to stumble upon something. And fell. Hard.

"Ya won't need this, Grimmface. Ya ain't need Pantera to do anything." Kanon offered a hand, just to be slapped away. "Ow... What the hell was that for?!"

The teal eyed the zanpakuto.

She frowned, letting out a small 'psh' before giving him the sword. "Don't bother trying to hit me."

Grimmjaw stopped in his sonido. How the fuck did she know?

"A sneak attack won't work on me here, Grimmjaw Jaegerjaques." Her voice went slightly deeper. "Might as well sit down and listen to me, will ya? ...But of course, could always _force_ you to sit down. Make your choice." She suddenly blinked, before shaking her head. "Ugh! I always change to Canon!"

To say Grimmjaw was speechless is an overstatement. He was annoyed. He felt a twinge of excitement on the deep voice before, but it was so short he shrugged it off as false alarm.

"Ah," Kanon turned around, staring at him. "Now that you're here, did you know how hard it is to type your surname without forgetting it? ...And do you mind if I call you Grimm? Grimmjaw sounds nice but sometimes I bit my tounge while saying the name too much... And I actually should stop talking right now."

And _then_ Grimmjaw was speechless.

Kanon raised her eyebrow, her mouth opened before pausing and closed itself. Instead she wrote words that happened to left a trail for a few minutes.

_Don't waste the reader's time. Stop being speechless, really._

"...Where am I?"

She frowned. _The nice, neutral part of my imagination. You're in my story... I haven't decided the title yet though... So I let it go as Neutral, I think._

The teal-haired Espada went back to his speechless state.

She rolled her eyes. _Ay Caramba..._

"Isn't that from a human show?" He actually regretted asking that stupid and simple question as he saw a dangerous twinkle in her eyes. _YES, YES, YES! It is! How did you know?! Did Aizen give you a screen to stare at when you guys are bored or something?_

Jaegerjaques wanted to headbutt her head. He did.

"Oooooowwwwwww... Meanie." She kicked him, before shrinking into a ball as he yelled at her. "Hiee! Kanon's sorry! Kanon's sorry!"

Grimmjaw stopped yelling after a few minutes, "Explain."

"Why you're here? (Grimmjaw nodded) ...You see, I got this Aizen-like obsession over this... fan pairing." Now first of all, Grimmjow wasn't that much of an old man (thankfully), he understood what she was talking about. "So now I decided to make this fanfic of the pairing."

"So what does that had to do with me?"

"Well..."

"What?" He demanded.

"...The pairing is you and Kurosaki Ichigo."

"THAT SHINIGAMI?!"

Kanon curled up into a ball in record time... But then uncurled a few seconds later. "Wait... Shouldn't you say "WHAT?!" instead of "THAT SHINIGAMI?!"? ...Are you gay?"

That was the first time Grimmjaw had blushed.

"...I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!" She was dancing the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya ending... She seemed so happy she sang a ridiculously stupid song.

...Because this author wants to fill out the spaces, here's how it goes:

_You watch gay porn every midnight_

_Get aroused by the body of hot guys_

_Masturbate and saw heaven's light_

_A hot guy in your pervert mind_

(This song actually works! It's in tune with 99 Red Balloons!)

She wanted to continue, but it was delayed as Grimmjaw kicked her.

"What? It's so effin' true you can't freakin' deny it!" She shouted. "Besides, this story needs you gay... In fact, I could give you lusts for Ichigo."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep!" She was silent for a moment, before saying softly (with somehow this heavy intent),

"_Imagine... Him squirming under your chaste kisses... Him calling your name... His slim body arching... His tightness..."_

Grimmjaw felt his face flushing... He can't deny it, but is he so obsessed to the shinigami that he was aroused by lame words?

She broke the tension by screaming "Kyaaaaan!"

Definitely the tension break of the year.

"So you do have the hots for the Strawberry, eh?" Kanon said, giggling like a crazy women would. "Don't worry, even when you don't I can make you to."

The tealnette (rofl) ran his hand through his hand with frustrations. "How would you make me?"

She smiled a cunning grin, something that would even beat Gin. "You're in my story, and in my story I'm stronger than God."

**End?End?End?End?**

Thaaaaat's it! Yeah... I know, it's confusing you guys.

...Ah, screw this. Continue on.

**End?End?End?End?**

Whaaaaa?

"...Even Aizen?"

She nodded. "Even that handsome bastard." (No Aizen-bashing!) "Didn't I told you before? This realm is in my story. I'm the author, the controller here. The reason how you acted out of character, is because of me!"

_No wonder._ Thought the readers. _The author's an idiot._

"HEY!" Kanon shouted to practically... No one.

Grimmjaw could feel hatred bubbling. "So why the hell are we having this talk? Shouldn't you make me do something?"

"I am, Grimmface." The black-clad girl answered. "Besides, if I'm not making you do anything, then why the hell 'talking' is an action verb?"

_That was lame._ Thought the readers.

"...This is why having an insane mind hurts." She whined. "Anyway, we're having this talk because I just want you to know about this story's main idea... So I can write less chapters and get on with my sorry life."

"Then what _is_ the main idea of this story?"

"You meet me, the authoress, who told you that she somehow is going to do this weird collection of different but connected stories. It's like you travel to different worlds, you know... In fact, that _is_ the main idea."

"So what the hell's the purpose?"

"Nothing! I'm just bored as freakin' hell!"

That was the second time Kanon got kicked. "Hey, at least you can get the shinigami get shinigasm or something."

_THAT was also lame._ Thought the readers.

The author banged her head at her table.

"But it's different in each world! Aren't you bored at Hueco Mudo? Aizen needs to get a life! Tousen will get his vocabulary reduced to one word: Justice! And Gin has permanent expression on his face because of surgery! It's amusing to think about but if you think about it too much, don't you get bored?!"

(end of proper exclamation abuse)

Grimmjaw _did_ thought that was amusing, and she did made a point.

"Fine... But I'm only doing this to get away from boredom."

"That's a hella good excuse!"

"Will you stop talking?"

Kanon scowled. Instead, she typed the words. So now that we have the same intention, you ARE doing this, right? ...Not that you can refuse anyway.

"Yes, I am." The arrancar answered. "As long as I get the Straw-"

Where the hell did that came from? ...Oh yeah... The insane author. "Stop controlling me."

Too bad, Grimmface. I've been doing that since the start of the story.

"Get on with it."

...I didn't know your so obsessed! This makes me so giddy!

Grimmjaw sweatdropped. "The hell's this girl's problem..." He muttered. HEY! "When do we start?" He asked, ignoring the insane chatter Kanon started. ...I'm getting my imagination online, okay? Now shut up and wait.

She began typing in godly speed with her fangirl skills and obsession points.

_(**Skill 1:** Words of Obsession – Weapon: Keyboard – A skill that has been passed down to generations of fanfiction authors. Increased typing speed.)_

Kanon suddenly stopped typing. "I'm getting it online now. Now the landing won't be soft, so use your experience of Espada to safe yourself from breaking a bone, because you're not gonna be a hollow anymore in the first realm."

"No Pantera?"

"I'll get it there somehow. You can't live without it, right?" She got a nod. "God, it's soo much better when you're much more cooperative. Oh, and one more thing," Grimmjaw looked up. "You won't have Cero." The arrancar groaned.

"What? You're going to barbecue people? Oh no, you're not. I don't want to get you in jail or you getting weird looks from people."

Grimmjaw sat on the ground sulking.

"...But I think I could make it available in a more fitting attack-form or something."

The tealnette stopped sulking.

"...Dammit, I'm making you so OOC." Kanon groaned. "But yes, I still can edit it anyway so that'll come in easy."

She turned around and typed some more before pressing a large keyboard button with a loud TACK.

"Bye bye, Grimmface... Have fun with the shinigami."

And Grimmjaw was gone.

**Author'sNoteAuthor'sNoteAuthor'sNoteAuthor'sNote**

That. Was. Really weird. It didn't go as planned! Grimmjaw wasn't supposed to be so childish! (...He is some ways though.)

Here's a sneak preview... Or actually a part of this chapter that doesn't seem good when it's after the last sentence.

**SneakPreviewSneakPreviewSneakPreviewSneakPreview**

_What the hell._

_Double u, tee, eff._

_Kanon was right, the landing was not a soft one. He was caught unprepared when he disappeared, and he now felt himself kissing the ground._

_He quickly sat up and looked around. This is definitely not any realms that he had known. But it had a Hueco Mudo feeling._

_Flying cars passed by._


	2. NEUTRAL2:CALLITSTRANGLEHOLD

**NEUTRAL BY - KANON - CANON - 50 - 50 -**

**PAIRINGS: GRIMMJOWXICHIGO. PAIRINGS OF OTHERS ARE POSSIBLE.**

**DISCLAIMER:** The only Bleach I own is the one that that rapes noses. You should have realized that in the first chapter.

_**EASYTOSEEASILLUSIONHARDTOFORGETASREALITY**_

It was funny.

This place was a perfect mental copy of Hueco Mudo.

Grimmjaw could smell the coppery scent of blood in the air, and saw the dried red liquid smeared at the walls of the alley.

This was what he concluded: He had woken up in an alley in the living world, but one of the more advanced time. He was in the future, a dystopia one in fact.

Oh fuck. What's better? Aizen-set world, or Ulquiorra in tutu?

_**NEUTRAL2:CALLITSTRANGLEHOLD**_

It was funny.

Thought the orange-haired teenager.

He thought that maybe they would sent stronger people. His alter ego had taught him how funny it was... And what the enjoyments of battles are. Even when-

_Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp._

He'd taken it as an advice to get the hell out of the cramped alley. Ran he did.

_**EASYTOSEEASILLUSIONHARDTOFORGETASREALITY**_

Kurosaki Ichigo wasn't a happy teenager. He wasn't one of those normal teenagers, which is probably why we all liked Bleach. Because it's awesome. Anyway. His father was, well, yes, technically a genius in medical world but yet a total lunatic at life. _And_ a master at making his son's life more and more miserable. He had fun.

And Ichigo always place his annoyance within the punches they both exchanged. His life was easy to laugh at... Or pitied at. Too bad, he punched the people who did any of them.

No really. You can ask Isshin himself because, he was the one who treated those black eyes and bruises, of course... And most of the time it was the victim's.

Ichigo however is not your typical strange student. He, in fact, had this kind of job that was strikingly similar to a gladiator. It's not he like wants to anyway but...

It was either his spare time or his family's life, and he chose the latter one. _(A/N: I bet nobody expected me to go serious. Well, I will.) _

A game of living, that's what the judges said. More of a game of tag. The game starts right after the 6 P.M., and it will go on right to midnight. Black-clad people chased the participants. And it was his job to not get caught.

To say that the game will have a new blue-haired participant will be a fact of life. Big impact was a definitely.

_**EASYTOSEEASILLUSIONHARDTOFORGETASREALITY**_

Grimmjow take a better look around his surrounding. His thought weren't perfectly correct, but it was half on spot. Future, human world, yes. Dystopia, maybe a bit.

He figured that the passerby would be able to see him _(A/N: Don't you just love a smart, silent Grimmjow? He's taking shape to a cool silent guy... That is bad.)_ But nobody was looking at him... Even with the hole on his stomach...

Okay, now what the hell? He was thinking purely logically and... Ah... Isn't the author is just as good as idiots. (OFF-TOPIC)

Whoever made me wrote that is officially dead in Kanon's official brain-encyclopedia.

_-coughlazthatmeansyoucough-_

Anyway.

The blue-haired arrancar/recent-human ended his inspection. "That so- daughter, of a bastard. What the hell am I suppose to do?"

"Grimmjow."

He turned around to see straight to the face of... a person. But from his face he was a damn perfect copy of Ichigo... exception of his hair and the slight deeper tone. Say, octave. It was freaky as he- Hueco Mudo, and Aizen as an uke.

Aha, imagine that.

And suddenly a name popped up to his head. "Kaien Shiba."

The Shiba grinned, "Nice of you remembering me, Jaegerjaques." He said, a little positive sarcasm in his tone. "I'm just kidding! Long time no see, man!"

They both did this special handshake (the tealnette doesn't exactly understand how he knows it) for a minute, and another minute and they were talking to each other, out of the alleyway. "So, you're gonna play?"

"Hm?"

"Have you forgotten? You know, the _game_?" Seeing no understanding in the arrancar's eyes, he sighed. "It's _THAT._ You know, they chase you and you have to get away. And beat the obstacles and then reach for the King?"

Grimmjow suddenly feel that a crumpled paper appeared on his hand.

There _is_ a paper. And it had... well, annoyed Grimmjow to no end.

He had no idea since when he became such a thoughtful person, but he is pretty sure that the paper came from the Author. (xD the _**A**_uthor. Like the _**A**_rchitect in Matrix)

She deserves no capital A on her title. (HEY!)

He opened the paper and read its content. It was about the _GAME._

Kaien patted Grimmjow in the back twice. "Well, I gotta go prepare some of the stuff before _it_ begin. Stay alive, Grimm." Before he walked away.

Hah, stay alive?

Grimmjaw already experienced the first death. Why bother waste the second sweet ass life (he's pretty sure the Author wouldn't give him another one)when he could kick some sorry asses?

_**EASYTOSEEASILLUSIONHARDTOFORGETASREALITY**_

Ichigo slumped back to his bed. He only had minutes before it would start again. He can't find Zangetsu, his tech-katana, anywhere... Unless... "Ichi-nii!"

He looked over to the door to see his younger sister, Karin. "You've been searching for Zangetsu, right?"

Ichigo perked up at the name. "How did you-"

"Know? It's obvious by know. Father probably already knew." She searched her pocket, and pulled out a small metallic hilt, Zangetsu carved into it. "Be grateful I hide it for you. Dad went searching your room yesterday."

Ichigo thought he was becoming OOC as he almost jumped and screeched in joy.

_**EASYTOSEEASILLUSIONHARDTOFORGETASREALITY**_

_Tick, tock, tick, tock. Tick. Tock. Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock..._

_DING. DING. DING. DING. DING. DING. DING. DING._

The seven rings of the mechanical chimes of the bells, had always meant that the game of death had started.

As if on cue more than a score of people started running in the town of Karakura.

Byakuya took a good look around. A surprise attack wouldn't do good for him, as a delay in his plans could bring a fatal mistake. Including the death of his younger sister. As much as he hate it, he had the same reason as (maybe) some other participants.

_I didn't want to participate._

And.

_It was for the sake of somebody I cared for._ (Okay, ByaRuki fans. NO, he cared for her as a real close relative. Canon Bleach.)

He doesn't care about laws anymore. They were made to be broken. A certain person had made him realized that. (hint hint at canon Bleach)

He could hear footsteps of them, at first silently but grew louder. _Hollows._ And possibly somebody else's... Was it somebody new?

Before he could gather his thought, a whiz of teal passed him. His eyes narrowed. _Shunpo..._ No. _Sonido._

Byakuya, however could not figure out why the stranger had not attacked him. Was he another participant? But it was rather impossible. Sonido was a technique only used by the higher ranks of Arrancars or Espadas. That is unless... No, those scum wouldn't turn their backs to their king, in fear of getting killed.

"Hey, black-haired shinigami, you should move faster. They're closing on you, I can tell you that... Sometime it's better to focus on running instead of thinking _and_ running."

Byakuya was, yeah, surely annoyed. But he unconsciously took the advice and ran without thinking. Nevermind that it worked. The worst part is, they both turned into a dead end. He looked distastefully at the stranger.

"What?" The tealnette asked innocently. "It's not like they're god-level people. Beat their sorry asses and run again!"

"You should have not intrude with my plans," (God, I can't speak Byakunese! I need somebody to help me with my Byakunese.) Byakuya threw back. "We would have not be in this trouble."

"How snide." Grimmjaw decided to kick some asses. He needs to have his daily victims... "So, they're hollows? They looked more human... But they're still weak as they were."

The shinigami, was, really, really really, annoyed. A black hilt somehow just magically appeared in his hand. "_Chire, Senbonzakura._" (I almost wanted to add: 'he said ever so elegantly.')

A blizzard of metal shards was summoned upon, and as it shone a cherry blossom color, it brought down death to the hollows.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you're good."

Grimmjow saw no need of releasing his Pantera... That's right, Pantera. Kanon had _somehow_ sent it to him...

Readers would have to leave it to their own imagination about that _somehow._ No, not THAT somehow. We will save the nose-raping later, so go prepare tissues, I'm telling you this, whenever you see a lemon alarm in the top of new chapters, okay?

Anyway.

Grimmjow, even when he is bounded to NOT release Pantera, used it to deflect and attack the hollows.

After a few minutes later, the army of hollows were lying at the floor, blood splattered over the floor and the walls. The arrancar doesn't seemed to be needed, so he decided to leave. "Well, shinigami, talk to ya later."

With a Sonido he disappeared.

_**EASYTOSEEASILLUSIONHARDTOFORGETASREALITY**_

Okay. That sucked.

Well, at least I did it, right? Right, right, right, right?

Sorry for the long wait, everyone. I know you guys are trying to kill me in my sleep... But now you regret it!

(I'm just kidding xD It's not you guys. It's somebody... He said "I want my strawberry now!" And he's about as tall as Grimmjow.

Grimmjow's 200 cm tall!)

Well... See you in the next chapter!

- Kanon - Canon - 50 - 50 -


End file.
